Many conversations I've had personally and professionally have led to discussing "self-compassion."  It often lands heavily in people and a typical response is a lack of knowing how to be compassionate for oneself.  Some of the most kind and generous people I know are the toughest on themselves. 

Self-compassion may sound like an ominous or unrealistic feat, but perhaps it is possible to shift perspective, even a little.  Merriam-Webster defines compassion as, "a feeling of wanting to help someone who is sick, hungry, in trouble, etc."  Adding the "self," I suggest the following definition: a feeling of wanting to take care of myself when I'm sick, hungry, in trouble, etc.  This seems like it may be a slightly less daunting.  Perhaps just the intention of wanting to help is enough. 

Aspects of compassion may include feelings of generosity, honesty, patience, kindness, and tolerance.  I wonder if some ease can be found if "self-compassion" is replaced in the mind by a gentle intention such as, "May I be patient with myself right now," or "May I tolerate myself in this moment."  The invitation is for this to be a well-wish for yourself rather than an expectation or demand.

If you're interested in investigating this practice in your life, I suggest starting with something that isn't very difficult or intense.  

Often, it is helpful to get support when learning new coping skills such as this one.  Contact me for a free consultation or to set up an appointment. 

Last week, I had an opportunity to speak to a group of parents at a high school here in San Francisco.

It was a privilege to meet some of the parents and get to share some knowledge and ideas about teens and self-esteem.

During the presentation, I spoke about adolescent brain development, using some of the information from Daniel J. Siegel's work.  So much is going on in a teen's brain and body at the same time!

As a group, we brainstormed a definition for self-esteem, as well as qualities of high and low self-esteem.

I also shared with the group some components that contribute to self-esteem, such as the home environment, community and the teen's own thoughts, feelings and perceptions.
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The presentation ended with some tips for parents on what they can do to help teens develop and access high self-esteem qualities.

I appreciated the participation and engagement of the parents, teachers and students who were in attendance.  I am grateful to have been invited to speak.

I am hopeful I will have another opportunity to continue to connect with parents and teens at this and other high schools in San Francisco.